Time's the Only Constant Thing
by Jennie-x
Summary: Because Ianto was right. Time is the only thing he can hold onto forever. Jack/Ianto.


Jack,

I'm hoping that you've found this letter by now. I couldn't risk leaving it at the hub – I didn't want anyone else to see. But that's me all over isn't it, private and secretive. I wasn't always like that, once upon a time there was a light in my heart that burned so bright for the world to see. But Torchwood blew it out, left me with nothing but an empty shell. That was mainly London's fault though. They were so corrupt in their ways of defending the British Empire – that didn't even exist, to notice what they were doing to the people they served. I worked there for six months before I met Lisa, so beautiful in every way that I slowly felt that light start to flicker. It never because as bright as it was, but I know now that if she hadn't died, if I hadn't brought her metallic body to you, hid her, left her in the dark, then that light would still be burning for her. I should have accepted the fact that she was gone when I found her. But I missed the light so much, Jack that I just had to find a way to hold on.

Holding onto that light was like trying to catch smoke with my bare hands, but I soon realised it had nothing to do with Lisa. But everything to do with you. When you killed her, I hated you. But at the same time, I admired you for doing it. I wasn't strong enough to turn the light off. But it wasn't off, not completely, because with every day I thought I hated you, it slowly became stronger. And that scared me. Because I know what happens when a light gets too bright. It blows. And that's what happened. You became so constant in my life, all I ever did was think about you, when I was with you the light engulfed me and you were all I could concentrate on, and it hurt. It feels weird writing you this letter, and I don't even know if you're ever going to read it. Sometimes your so dense you miss what's right in front of you.

_Some people laugh, Some people cry_

_Some people live, Some people die_

_Some people run right into the fire, and some people hide their every desire _

_But we are the lovers, if you don't believe me _

_Then just look into my eyes; _

_Because the heart never dies _

You'll always live Jack, and the people you love will always die. But that's not your fault. A wish that was taken to the extreme is how you've always described what made you immortal. You always say it's a bad thing. But it isn't. I can't understand what you go through every time you go against your heart and fall in love, but I'm glad that you always do. Because you change people. People you love are always going to leave you, and you're always going to be the one who mourns. You run into the fire Jack, with no thoughts of ever getting burned, but doing that you hide what you want. It's a mask that you wear, and I understand that. Letting people close means getting burned, and it hurts far more than any physical injury you've ever had. But you make everything better, not just for the people that you've given your heart too. But people that you care about in a different sense. And I know that them being there for you helps you through your extremely long life.

_And some people fight, _

_And some people fall, _

_Others pretend, _

_They don't care at all, _

_If you wanna fight, _

_I'll stand right beside you, _

_The day that you fall, _

_I'll be right behind you, _

_To pick up the pieces, _

_If you don't believe me, _

_Then just look into my eyes, _

_Cause the heart never lies_

I know who you used to be. The happy go lucky con man with too much time on his hands to know what to do with. You fell in love and you broke hearts but only because you didn't know what else to do. Once a con man always a con man. But not you. Once a con man now a hero. You'll always be a fighter, and maybe you'll always fall too. But you can't stand tall forever, Jack. One day I know you're going to stop caring. When you loose the person you've always loved, completely. It will get too much, and I know it will happen one day, maybe not in my life time, but in someone's. And you'll fall, loose the fight. But you can't give up. The person you love, or who loves you at that time they're always going to be behind you, to help you fight for whatever it is you believe is worth fighting for, and they're always going to be there to pick you up when you fall. To wipe the dust of your great coat and help you through everything. Because that's what you do to them. It's what you did to me. Every day I wanted to fall, stop fighting, but you were there. Right behind me, picking up the pieces.

_Another year over, _

_And we're still together, _

_It's not always easy, _

_But I'm here forever, _

It's hard to believe that we've been together 'officially' for a year. But you've been in my heart for so much longer, and I know you'll always be there. It's never been easy has it? I mean, working for Torchwood any relationship would be complicated. Take Gwen and Rhys for example, he can have a normal life, but she's stuck. Because Torchwood does that, Jack. It makes you stuck. Takes the light and sticks you in the dark. But it's not just Torchwood that does that to you. It's life. Torchwood is a job, unlike any others but the same. If you're a workaholic like I am, then it consumes you. Takes your light, and leaves you in the dark. But when my light started to shine, I knew Torchwood wasn't just any job. Any other job would never have you in it Jack. And that's why I've stuck around for so long. Because of you.

I fell in love with you the day you turned my light on Jack. And I know that I'll always love you until that light is turned off. You're my world, my heart, and my life. And I'll love you forever.

But I can't be here forever.

I can't stay with you forever, Jack. Because the light is too strong and it hurts.

By now I'm guessing you've realised I've left. And I'm sorry I couldn't tell you all this in person, but I think if I tried you would convince me that I'm wrong – maybe I am. Probably am. But I have to do this. It has everything and nothing to do with you at the same time.

Before Torchwood I was someone. I cared about people Jack, not just you. Now its like everything I do revolves around you, and I need some air. It might not be forever. I know I'll never be able to forget you, so I've used a little help. But I know it's not going to be easy to forget you, even with the strongest dose. So it's not goodbye, Jack.

I'm leaving to find meaning again, but when I left London looking for it I found you. Don't come looking for me, Jack. I need to find you again. I need to find myself again.

But if you find someone while I'm gone, if you fall in love. Embrace it. Don't think of me when you see them smile, think of your heart and just embrace it.

I love you Jack. Always and forever. Don't forget me, because I know I'll never forget you.

All my love.

Jones, Ianto Jones.

P.S – Time is the only thing that you'll be able to hold on to forever.

Jack felt his body breakdown as he held the crumbled letter in his hands. He was standing in Ianto's living room. He knew something was wrong, the way Ianto had kissed him before he left the hub. It spoke to him more than those lips ever had. It was his goodbye. He had ran over to Ianto's building the minute he realised, but it was too late. He had shoved his hands in his coat and felt a small box and an envelope. The letter made his heart bleed. Ianto was gone. Forever. No matter what the letter had said, Jack knew he wasn't going to come back. Ianto was going to find another light in his life, and Jack couldn't resent him for it. Remembering the box in his pocket, Jack opened it and smiled.

"Lots you can do with a stopwatch," Jack whispered as his fingers ran over the smooth circle time piece. Jack pressed the button on the top, and smiled. "I'll press stop when you come back to me, Jones, Ianto Jones."

Jack watched as the time slowly moved forward, he knew he would wait forever. Time being his only companion, and a constant remember that he'll never press stop on the watch. Because Ianto was right. Time is the only thing he can hold onto forever.


End file.
